How to date

Blame this on your desk calendar that's fully earmarked or your 24X7 work week that leaves you no time to socialise. But with the way things are, for a large section of people in Mumbai, there is hardly any time to 'disconnect' from their work lives and switch to the social one. Enter solo dates — where you go out and spend time by yourself doing fun things without the drudgery of trying to keep up conversation with others. It's regarded as the increasingly satisfying way to recharge one's batteries. You simply take yourself out, have brunch, check into a spa or the local cinema or just chill out on your own. Solo travel has been a huge success so far and here's why this concept is catching on, too...

What's the cause? Inability to switch offFor Rajnita Verma, a 35-year-old marketing head from Andheri, her plight lies in perhaps what most working folks may relate to — she can't 'switch off' from work, even once she has physically left the office building. "We have long hours and when I'm done for the day, I can't seem to get out of work mode. Most times, it leaves no time in my head for a fresh slate and the little time I get, I end up being happy just spending time by myself over coffee." Rakesh Jhanjani, IT manager from Bandra, reiterates this. "I am on call with my team almost 24X7 and if I'm not doing that, I'm involved in new projects. It is so exhausting that I feel relieved to not have to make conversation with anybody. I don't know how I can manage to bring a relationshipinto this equation. If I manage to snatch a weeknight I like to go watch a movie and that's de-stressing to me," he admits. Relationship expert Purvi Shah says that such solo dates are happening a lot more of late. "People are unable to keep aside real time for dates. And it's not just for singles, even those in a relationship say the spillover of work and other commitments affects them. It's like a third angle. Going out alone is the next, lesser complicated solution," she explains.

Singledom is no longer considered a stigma

Dynamics of a busy work week apart, it's also the changing mindset that is fostering this concept. City-based single lawyer Rina Mehta, who embarks on solo dates owing to her work, affirms this, "It's thankfully no longer looked at as odd to see a girl eating alone at a table. In fact, I have seen restaurants in Mumbai that keep goldfish in bowls at the tables of single diners to let them get the feeling that it's not unusual and that they are not alone, which is nice."
Clinical psychologist Niyati Gandhi says a solo date is no longer about being weird or a loner. "This is not something odd at all, people are actually recognising how giving yourself space and time is important. I have seen people blog about being solo and they even put it out on social media that they're having fun doing their own thing on a Saturday night. There's no longer a what-will-people-think-of-me feeling, as so many others are doing this. I go on solo night outs myself and have no qualms about it as it's minus any pressure or expectations of having to make conversation when I'm tired. It really works," she says.

'It can help avoid early burnout'

For millennials especially, the idea of multitasking has augmented and a site has recognised how burnout before 30 is a thing. Psychiatrist Dr Rajiv Anand talks of how a solo date helps. "This has been well-advised. Most of us look outward for happiness and comfort and we forget ourselves, our own emotions etc. There is a need to periodically have a date with oneself. It's like a kind of slowdown. It puts you on the path of self-balance and in due course of time, becomes a nourishing experience. Time spent with yourself then helps you get better endowed to take care of others. We advise this as it helps avoid early burnout. If you can't find a date, just dress up and go out on your own. It's something everyone should try," he advises.

A FEW SELF-DATE IDEAS TO TRY

• DATE NIGHT: You can have your own date night at home. Switch off your phone, get a movie of your choice, order out the food you love and you're set! Or have a spa night, where you grab the salts and take a nice aromatic soak in the bath.
• DINNER: Treat yourself to dinner at the restaurant you've always fancied.
• SHAKE IT: Join a dance class. Not only is this a mood booster, but you will also find like-minded folk there. Here's a chance to show off your cool moves while being solo.
• GET ARTY: How about enlisting in a day-long pottery class? You can also make yourself a pretty souvenir in clay.
• ATTEND AN OPEN MIC: You won't feel uncomfortable here. You're just sitting in the semi-darkness and being entertained, so just laugh away the stress.

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